As quiet as a mouse
I am a quiet person. I am rather introverted and I only really open up when I am with people I really know and trust. I don’t mean to be rude and I know sometimes I can appear sullen when actually I’m the complete opposite.
This makes making friends rather difficult. I hate making small talk and talking about things that really don’t interest me. I get flustered and usually end up making a prat of myself. It’s not that I don’t try, I do, but it must come out wrong. I say things and conversations end or people misunderstand what I say. I try to crack jokes but they’re not funny to anyone but me. Or I’m so quiet that people forget I’m there and when i talk they jump a mile. For me the worst thing is making the effort, thinking its gone well only for people to forget who you are or the conversation you had the week before. I always remember who people are, not always names but their faces. If people can’t be bothered to remember me or dismiss me then i don’t have time for them. It just reminds me of being at school trying to impress the popular crowd and I don’t do that. I find rare gems of people who are my friends, few and far between but my friends are people I genuinely like to spend time with, I can’t be doing with who I call “fair weather friends” who only like you as you serve a purpose to them.
Books and music Have always been my solace. I don’t need to talk to enjoy either. My mum always told me you always have a friend when you’ve got a book.
Thing is, when I got pregnant I knew I had to start talking.
I knew that talking to my bump was important. However if I am on my own, I can spend hours not actually speaking at all. I did wonder whether the baby could hear my thoughts as there were always plenty of them. Then I realised music was a great way to communicate and I felt Easier singing along to a song. So I spent time most days playing some music and singing to my bump. It didn’t usually take long but it was rather soothing and relaxing to do. I have a penchant for Disney classics, don’t judge me.
Songs I listened to:
Baby mine – from Disney’s Dumbo
Part of that world – from Disney’s Little Mermaid
Beauty and the beast – from Disney’s beauty and the beast
I also played music whilst in the shower, bath, car. This would be My favourite music on my Ipod.
Now that Nancy is here, I am having the same difficulties as before. I am making a big effort to talk to her and interact with her. I have taken to describing what I’m doing throughout the day to her as starting point. She loves to watch me talking and will usually reward me with a smile.
What I need to get back to is my music. I miss it ! And it is something that has fallen by the wayside of late. I find music calming, soothing and a good way to de-stress.
I have started singing nursery rhymes to Nancy and she seems to enjoy them. What I am not doing and what I need to start doing is singing some lullabies. I found reading the recent guest blogs on @edspire blog, about lullabies (to raise awareness of The Lullaby Trust in memory of Matilda Mae), a useful reminder and has made me realise the importance of doing this.
I need to take the plunge
The other thing I need to do is start meeting other people. Other Mums, people I can be friends with. I know I need to go to some groups for Mums and babies but the thought of having to talk, look daft, or steered clear of for looking aloof when all it is, is that I’m quiet, puts me off. I’m talking from past experiences of other groups I’ve been to such as slimming world. I need to think of things to say, questions to ask. To just take a deep breath and say something. I don’t find it difficult at work, where I can be teaching a room full of people or speaking to strangers, so why?
Does anyone else feel this way? How have you over come this? I will find a group to go to and I will force myself out of my shell. I shall let you know how I get on.